In which I rant.

I get annoyed by a lot of things I see on Facebook. My annoyance level can range from a simple eye roll to several days of ranting to my long-suffering husband that inevitably start with "Can you believe this shit?!" If I had to choose the thing that annoys me most... it'd have to be people who constantly call attention to themselves, whether it's to their accomplishments, their looks or their perceived hardships.

Look at me, I bench-pressed 1000 pounds and then ran 15 miles!
Look at me, I need everyone to tell me how pretty my hair is!
Look at me, I'm a parent just like billions of other people on this planet but no one gets it like I do!
Look at my owie!
Look at all this time I'm volunteering! I'm such a giver!

There's nothing wrong with having a pity-party every so often or taking a well-deserved selfie on a cute day. And there's certainly nothing wrong with calling attention to a cause you hold dear.  But when this need for attention, for comments, for "likes" dominates your entire online presence and defines you as a person... well, I define you as pretty pathetic. Sorrynotsorry, as the kids are saying.

Part of my annoyance comes from learning about real hardships from people who want nothing more but to blend in and have a normal day for once. Take Cari and Mo, for instance. Their adorable little girl, Charlotte, is two years old and going through her second bout of liver cancer. The treatment regimen - chemotherapy, surgeries, days spent in hospitals - would be brutal for even the toughest of adults, but that baby continues to smile and her parents continue to remain positive even though they have full-time jobs, two other kids and their own emotions to deal with.

Then there's Genevieve, a gorgeous, talented young woman with an enviable wardrobe and a dream job of being a successful makeup artist. Through no fault of her own, Gen spends every day of her life in severe pain because her nervous system has malfunctioned, causing swelling and chronic pain throughout most of her body. Her condition is called Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and there is no cure. She is confined to a wheelchair most of the time and even wearing socks is excruciating. No one would blame her for being bitter, yet she hangs onto hope and finds something fun, happy or inspiring to glean from each day.

I have never heard Cari complain about their impossible schedule or make Charlotte's illness about her. I have never seen Gen snap at anyone who asks her questions about her condition that I'm sure she's answered dozens of times before. These women have infinite patience, hope and sympathy for others, and it pisses me off that there are people out there who think the entire world should be grateful that they've posted another picture of their abdominal muscles or rambled on about what a chore it is to have to get up early every day with a toddler and a newborn.

Look, sometimes I feel like my life sucks. I don't sleep well and being pregnant has made that infinitely worse. I have year-round allergies that produce some pretty rotten headaches. My hair is growing out from a pixie cut and there are days I look like an elderly politician - sometimes male, sometimes female. I get bored being a stay-at-home mom and sometimes run out of energy or interest in creating stimulating activities for my 4-year-old son, so I'm reduced sitting on the couch while he waves his legs in the air and asks me questions about the color and consistency of each family member's vomit. Some days I want to hide under the covers and cry and eat all of my son's Easter candy.

But good lord, sometimes you just have to reel it in, whether it's good or bad, and consider the fact that the world doesn't revolve around you. I'm not saying you have to dwell on the miseries going on the world - because believe me, I take a lot of steps to avoid reading about violence, child and animal abuse, politics - but please, get some perspective. When we're calling Kim Kardashian a visionary for posting Instagram pictures of her cosmetically enhanced T&A, something is seriously wrong.

If you can't get some perspective, then just do everyone a favor and shut up.

No one said it would be easy.

Long time, no write.

This pregnancy is hard, y'all. Like, way harder than I expected. My first pregnancy was easy-peasy, with the exception of persistent heartburn and sciatica in the third trimester. This one, though... the nausea that started around 7 weeks was wrecking my life. I only barfed once, but feeling all day like I'd just gotten off of a Tilt-a-Whirl was confining me to bed and making me feel like a horrible wife and mother.

Then my doctor prescribed Diclegis, a magical combination of Unisom and vitamin B6 that made life worth living again. A week or so into it, however, the Unisom started keeping me awake. Antihistamines have always been hit or miss for me, either knocking me our or hyping me up, but I had been taking Unisom for occasional insomnia prior to getting pregnant, and had had no problems with it.

It's been about three weeks since I've slept well. I'm not falling asleep until at least 2:00 in the morning, and getting VERY broken and not at all deep sleep in between then and 8:00 in the morning. Once again, I'm back to feeling guilt because all I want to do is sleep... but I can't.

Combine all that with my constant worrying about chromosomal disorders. I don't even want to go into it.  If my results would ever come back from my cffDNA test, I think the other problems would start to fall into place, or at least cushion their blow. They said it'd be five business days... it's been six. Come on, science people.

Well, this entry was a big ball of fun. Hoping for better news the next time around.

And the morning sickness begins.

I didn't realize how lucky I was to more or less dodge morning sickness with my first pregnancy. But last night it hit me really hard - after feeling "off" all day - and I vomited for the first time in quite a while. Luckily I didn't have much in my stomach other than peaches and peppermint tea, and I felt a lot better afterwards, but I went ahead and ordered Sea-Bands on Amazon at 1:00 in the morning because I am not dealing with this for weeks on end. So far all I've had today are oyster crackers, ginger ale and a tangerine, but I'm feeling okay.

To take my mind off the nausea, I watched "13 Going on 30" on Netflix. I straight up sobbed at the part where the main character goes home to see her parents after a long time. Like, shoulder-shaking, snorting, ugly-crying.

I'm making a grocery list right now and am alternating between being hungry and a little queasy. I'm looking forward to those Sea-Bands getting here and hoping they work for me.

Okay, one more little update.

Okay, I caved and decided to buy the baby its first outfit on eBay. I love Burt's Bees clothing for tiny ones... it's so soft and cute and neutral-colored. They sell it at TJ Maxx, but it's always wintery long-sleeved stuff. Since this will be a summer baby, I thought this would be perfect for a boy or a girl...

The watercolor bees do look a little flowery, but orange is unisex, right?

And here: two photos of my 5 week progression, which I'll admit doesn't look like much, but you  have to start somewhere. Taken with my DSLR propped up on a box of gauze and a toothpaste tube, so you know.

5 weeks today...

I was a little off on my calculation, so I'm actually 5 weeks, not 6. Still not really having too much in the way of symptoms, except none of my pants fit anymore. I'm already about 8 pounds heavier than I was with my first at this point, and while that doesn't seem like much, I'm not a particularly big person and I'm carrying it all in my stomach area. I had to go buy a new pair of jeans yesterday because I'm down to about two semi-fashionable pairs that still button properly. I ended up finding a pair of - ugh - Jessica Simpson jeans that are so comfortable that I considered wearing them out of the store. And they were only $20. Score, I guess, even if they do have that dippy woman's name on the tag.

So it's come to my attention that I need to start walking as much as I can to keep my energy up and my weight under control. I'm going to try to talk my husband into going and getting my parents' unused treadmill tonight.

Other symptoms:

• Hunger. Eating has become the most important thing in the world to me. I threw a huge fit last week when my favorite restaurant had an hour and a half wait.
• Tiredness. It's not too bad, but when the weather is icky and rainy, like it is today, all I want to do is sleep.
• Hot flashes. This isn't uncommon for me; I sleep with two fans on in shorts and a t-shirt in the dead of winter. But that feeling of roasting from the inside out was particularly bad yesterday, especially since we were in my husband's car and I couldn't get the temperature regulated.

Other than that... it's pretty much business as usual. "They" say that similar symptoms in pregnancies point to the same gender, but who know. I can't lie - I do want a boy. I know what to do with boys. I have boxes upon boxes of boy clothes saved. And we have an awesome boy name picked out. I won't be disappointed if it's a girl, but I'll be overjoyed if it's a boy. I guess I'll have until mid- to late March to wonder.

I saw the doctor last Wednesday. He was kind of surprised that I had shown positives so early, but I also ovulate earlier than expected, so I guess it all works out. He's a nice guy; very conservative and reassuring. I go in for an ultrasound on the 7th and I'm hoping to hear back about blood test results in the next couple of days. I have cats and I'm so paranoid about toxoplasmosis; I was negative for it the last time I was pregnant.

I've already started a couple registries for things that we either gave away or need replaced from our first. I feel kind of guilty about doing that, but I figured I can pass the links along to anyone who asks and it's a good way to keep track of the things we need to get for ourselves. We still have a crib, a changing table and a playpen/bassinet combo that are in good shape, not to mention piles and piles of clothes, blankets and whatnot. I think I gave away the bottles, though.

I'm just rambling now. Back to work.  

Let's see how long I can keep this up.

I'm 4 weeks today, and so hot. I had to shut the heat off; I mean, it's December and near 60 degrees, but still. I am absolutely roasting. I went to take a "progress" picture (or maybe just establish a baseline), but I felt gross and deleted them. I guess I better get used to that.

After I dropped Hank off at preschool this morning, I spent almost $100 at the grocery store and spent most of the time wanting to curl up in the cart and go to sleep. I bought some vanilla-flavored Carnation instant breakfast things, mainly for the protein to keep me awake now that caffeine is out of the picture, but also for the extra vitamins. This pregnancy, so far, is exactly like the last: no real symptoms except tiredness and appetite increase. I made sure to get lots of healthy snacks because I am determined not to put on a ton of weight this time around. With Hank, I gained 31 pounds, which my midwife said was perfect given my body type. I think I weigh slightly more than I did when I got pregnant the first time around, but it should all even out as long as I don't give into the Dairy Queen cravings.

I guess the other difference is that I'm REALLY impatient for things to start happening, now that I've been-there-done-that. Then again, I don't want it to go by too quickly, because I want to enjoy the time Hank and I have while it's "just us." I'm going to take him to a children's museum after his dentist appointment next Tuesday.

I'm enjoying this writing every day thing. I hope I can get back in the habit.

And there it is.

Well, this explains a lot.

It explains the intense cravings I've had for junk like Dairy Queen Blizzards and Lucky Charms cereal. It explains the heartburn that I normally never have. It explains the headaches I remember from before. It explains the random twinges that feel a little like cramps even though I rarely, if ever, get cramps. And it explains that feeling I had in the back of my mind that we did it right, that even though I still had a week before my period started, something made me grab two tests at the store this afternoon.

I'm really, really happy. And scared. I wish I could talk more about my feelings, but right now I'm in the "put non-ugly maternity clothes on my private Amazon wishlist" phase. Seriously, besides Target and Old Navy, there is nothing under $50 I would wear. The brand "ripe" (kind of a strange name) has some seriously cute clothes, but there's no way in hell I'm spending $75 on a freakin' tank top.